This is as best as I can remember a dream I had about 6 weeks ago. The more I meditated on it the more it was revealed that it was more in relation to my marriage with Jesus than anything dealing with a human man. I've been reminded of this dream by the Holy Spirit often since I had it and it has brought comfort in lonely times.
It wasn't until the end of the dream that I saw the actual 'man' I was with - and I cannot remember if he had the ponytail or not, but everything about him screamed 'Mario Batali' - thus the origin of the title of this piece.
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Italy one night, Paris the next. The French Riviera the next week, back to New York City after that.
Trips of a lifetime, but they are the norm. Parties that includes names the whole world knows, but he is never too far from me.
There is a tender protection everywhere we go and a pride in his voice as he introduces me to everyone. They are there for him, but he cannot help but defer to me.
Even after a long night he still finds the time to make me my favorite dessert and make sure I ate. The finest and my favorites all in one.
A private jet, the finest homes, the best hotels - such grandeur and splendor I never thought I'd see. And I stand in awe that for some reason this man picked me. There are those who are smarter, more beautiful, but yet he chooses me.
And then a new surprise, a beautiful boat. It's older, but he's proud of it. A new retreat and he says he got it for me.
Along with some friends I begin walking through the newest gift, taking in every inch and turn.
I mention to the friend that I am in total awe of my life and the love he has for me. I say, almost in a lamenting way, that he sometimes is just so incredibly silly.
She stops and looks at me incredulously.
'You know why, right?' she says. 'Even with all the things he has and does the greatest thing of beauty he wants is to see you smile. He gets silly because he knows that will get you to smile. It's his greatest treasure.'
We keep walking around the boat. The wallpaper is ugly.
Two-tone brown in tiny vertical stripes - it reminds me of a tasteful and sophisticated wrapping paper my parents had used one Christmas - fantastic on a gift but sucks as a wall covering.
'You hate it,' he says - I guess I can't hide my distaste for it. 'I knew you would, but I left it so you could pick out the replacement,' he says with a wry smile and a soft nuzzle.
As we leave he begins, ahead of me, the walk down the long staircase.
He starts jumping down it - several steps at a time - reaching the landing with a 'thud'. He turns and looks up at me with a huge smile.
I chuckle and give him an equally large smile - his greatest treasure.
And in the smallest and lighthearted of moments I love him more than ever before.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Embargo
So many words race through my spirit - I try to catch each one.
The message so simple, yet so impossible to teach, but the foundation for all that is to be won.
Words given, tossed away; questions answered, but willfulness remains.
My tongue be bound, the time has not arrived; but agonize when I watch the struggle each day and know I have the key.
So deep the depth of the knowledge unlocked, but who will be courageous enough to traverse this abyss?
A treasure so great it has no value, yet each man a repository of that wealth that shames the coffers of Solomon.
Another day, another heart cry. Another heartbreak for I just want to light the way.
©Kristen Garcia 10/10
The message so simple, yet so impossible to teach, but the foundation for all that is to be won.
Words given, tossed away; questions answered, but willfulness remains.
My tongue be bound, the time has not arrived; but agonize when I watch the struggle each day and know I have the key.
So deep the depth of the knowledge unlocked, but who will be courageous enough to traverse this abyss?
A treasure so great it has no value, yet each man a repository of that wealth that shames the coffers of Solomon.
Another day, another heart cry. Another heartbreak for I just want to light the way.
©Kristen Garcia 10/10
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Dare you say, I do?
8-17-2010
Why is asking for genuine love like asking for the world? Is it so hard?
I want a love that is in the same vein as the love I give.
Is taking the time to truly know me - to know what makes me tick - to learn what small things bring me the greatest joy - and security - and act on what you learn so hard?
If it isn't, then why do you shove me into your pre-made mold of what I should be and enjoy? If not, then why do you throw my concerns back in my face when I try and broach the topic of what could be done to make me feel more loved and secure in us? Is your pride and ego really worth more than my trust?
Is it too hard to listen to my words and discern my heart and act on it?
If it isn't, then why do you shut down the minute I open my mouth to let you in on the most intimate thoughts and wishes of my heart and soul?
Don't say you don't. In your lack of words your clinched jaw, your breathing pattern, the tangible brick wall of your heart gives you away. That pain I can only handle so long before I back away. Don't think I don't know you that well.
Is it too hard for you to believe that I truly love you and no one else? You fear someone else will steal my gaze, when the truth is I choose on one but you.
Yet, you wonder why I shut down. Why I am silent when you ask my heart. Not only is the rejection tangible, but its hard to open up to someone who's spirit screams of wanting to flee and who's spirit exudes the sense of obligation rather than true love and desire.
Even when I do open up - why do you use my words against me later? Why can you not believe the validity of my words? Why do you laugh at some of the things I say? Are they so absurd to you that you cannot believe they come from the deepest parts of my being?
Why also do you run away when I try to pull the greatness that is in you to the surface? If you saw yourself the way I do, you would leap at the chance to come higher.
Yes, the demand and pull is great, but would I pull on you like that if I wasn't prepared and ready to nurture and do everything possible to see you succeed? Yet you run away.
I want to love you like no other before you. You are the one given to me - and yet - even if that was not already done I would still choose you to love. Why is that so hard to believe?
I want to lavish you with beautiful things and make the greatest memories with you, yet you reject what I give you because you cannot see that you are worth the expense - or worse - you suspect the motive. Have I ever given you a reason to worry? I will never change my mind regarding you.
I want so earnestly for you to truly love me.
For you to put away every preconceived notion you have of how you should love me and hear my heart through my words - see my soul in my deeds - and want to love me in a way where I can trust you the most intimate parts of my being.
It is in that place that we can be side by side, moving forward toward the beauty of the marriage that has been foretold since the foundations of the Earth.
I didn't die and rise to Glory for anything less than this.
Yes, I may be asking for the world - but it is because I have already bought the world with my Blood and placed it on your hand as a pledge of the marriage we will have once your willing to enter into it.
Do you dare say, 'I Do'?
©Kristen Garcia 8/10
Why is asking for genuine love like asking for the world? Is it so hard?
I want a love that is in the same vein as the love I give.
Is taking the time to truly know me - to know what makes me tick - to learn what small things bring me the greatest joy - and security - and act on what you learn so hard?
If it isn't, then why do you shove me into your pre-made mold of what I should be and enjoy? If not, then why do you throw my concerns back in my face when I try and broach the topic of what could be done to make me feel more loved and secure in us? Is your pride and ego really worth more than my trust?
Is it too hard to listen to my words and discern my heart and act on it?
If it isn't, then why do you shut down the minute I open my mouth to let you in on the most intimate thoughts and wishes of my heart and soul?
Don't say you don't. In your lack of words your clinched jaw, your breathing pattern, the tangible brick wall of your heart gives you away. That pain I can only handle so long before I back away. Don't think I don't know you that well.
Is it too hard for you to believe that I truly love you and no one else? You fear someone else will steal my gaze, when the truth is I choose on one but you.
Yet, you wonder why I shut down. Why I am silent when you ask my heart. Not only is the rejection tangible, but its hard to open up to someone who's spirit screams of wanting to flee and who's spirit exudes the sense of obligation rather than true love and desire.
Even when I do open up - why do you use my words against me later? Why can you not believe the validity of my words? Why do you laugh at some of the things I say? Are they so absurd to you that you cannot believe they come from the deepest parts of my being?
Why also do you run away when I try to pull the greatness that is in you to the surface? If you saw yourself the way I do, you would leap at the chance to come higher.
Yes, the demand and pull is great, but would I pull on you like that if I wasn't prepared and ready to nurture and do everything possible to see you succeed? Yet you run away.
I want to love you like no other before you. You are the one given to me - and yet - even if that was not already done I would still choose you to love. Why is that so hard to believe?
I want to lavish you with beautiful things and make the greatest memories with you, yet you reject what I give you because you cannot see that you are worth the expense - or worse - you suspect the motive. Have I ever given you a reason to worry? I will never change my mind regarding you.
I want so earnestly for you to truly love me.
For you to put away every preconceived notion you have of how you should love me and hear my heart through my words - see my soul in my deeds - and want to love me in a way where I can trust you the most intimate parts of my being.
It is in that place that we can be side by side, moving forward toward the beauty of the marriage that has been foretold since the foundations of the Earth.
I didn't die and rise to Glory for anything less than this.
Yes, I may be asking for the world - but it is because I have already bought the world with my Blood and placed it on your hand as a pledge of the marriage we will have once your willing to enter into it.
Do you dare say, 'I Do'?
©Kristen Garcia 8/10
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Waiting for the Concrete Patch to Cure
I am a Queen - one of the loveliest of all the Brides.
I am strong, endowed with a strength from a never-ending source - able to do the mightiest tasks with a gentle ease.
I am the conqueror of the world. My words are given the same weights as those of my King.
There are days I am acutely aware of my solitary status, but even in those days, I lay down in my bed at night knowing the Spirit of My Love was beside me every moment of that day and the ache is a little less sharp.
I am a ministering priest to the Ruler of the Universe - an amazing thing to think I could even bring the haze of the incense into His Outer Court, let alone the Holiest of Holies.
But even with the Brideship and the Priesthood my heart aches some days.
I was born a helpmate. To be the right hand of a man. To hold up and support and move forward the greatness of a man.
And the Priesthood and the Brideship are amazing, but yet, the longing for that season when I can come home and celebrate with the leader of my home the victories of the Lord for that day.
To be able to open some of the innermost places of my spirit and find agreement and an apostolic force to help build it in this realm.
To share a common vision and drive it prophetically into manifestation.
To know the rest of a wife and mother - not shouldering the four-part covering as I am currently.
To minister to a man the way I minister to God and see the increasing greatness therein.
To know the overflow of love in my heart the way I never thought possible by having faithful arms to hold my spirit and embrace its passions that I have held for so long - pursuing on my own for lack of a suitable partner.
In the stillness of some afternoons my heart aches for this fellowship of another. there is something to be said for the accompaniment of another human.
My King already knows my heart, my passions, my dreams. He reveals His Truth in His Word, but there still lies in my soul that ache to share with another human - a partner for all the days of my life - that piece that is still missing and that at times leaves a gaping hole to ache in my soul.
Is Jesus enough for me - absolutely yes - by and far - yes.
But as humans we were made and said that it was not good for us to be alone - and every now and then that small portion is brought to the surface from it's hiding place deep in my soul.
And perhaps one day that hole will finally be patched for good - and that ache will be a forgotten memory of the past.
Peace,
La. Sra.
I am strong, endowed with a strength from a never-ending source - able to do the mightiest tasks with a gentle ease.
I am the conqueror of the world. My words are given the same weights as those of my King.
There are days I am acutely aware of my solitary status, but even in those days, I lay down in my bed at night knowing the Spirit of My Love was beside me every moment of that day and the ache is a little less sharp.
I am a ministering priest to the Ruler of the Universe - an amazing thing to think I could even bring the haze of the incense into His Outer Court, let alone the Holiest of Holies.
But even with the Brideship and the Priesthood my heart aches some days.
I was born a helpmate. To be the right hand of a man. To hold up and support and move forward the greatness of a man.
And the Priesthood and the Brideship are amazing, but yet, the longing for that season when I can come home and celebrate with the leader of my home the victories of the Lord for that day.
To be able to open some of the innermost places of my spirit and find agreement and an apostolic force to help build it in this realm.
To share a common vision and drive it prophetically into manifestation.
To know the rest of a wife and mother - not shouldering the four-part covering as I am currently.
To minister to a man the way I minister to God and see the increasing greatness therein.
To know the overflow of love in my heart the way I never thought possible by having faithful arms to hold my spirit and embrace its passions that I have held for so long - pursuing on my own for lack of a suitable partner.
In the stillness of some afternoons my heart aches for this fellowship of another. there is something to be said for the accompaniment of another human.
My King already knows my heart, my passions, my dreams. He reveals His Truth in His Word, but there still lies in my soul that ache to share with another human - a partner for all the days of my life - that piece that is still missing and that at times leaves a gaping hole to ache in my soul.
Is Jesus enough for me - absolutely yes - by and far - yes.
But as humans we were made and said that it was not good for us to be alone - and every now and then that small portion is brought to the surface from it's hiding place deep in my soul.
And perhaps one day that hole will finally be patched for good - and that ache will be a forgotten memory of the past.
Peace,
La. Sra.
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