The older I get the more beautiful I become.
The fires and snares meant to scar have only refined away the layers that hid the life beneath.
Old is torn away and the new is smooth as river rock tossed by the waves for decades.
The softening of wisdom, the quickening of response, the warmth of a heart rebuilt.
Dreams that were forgotten - for the pain of hoping for them was too much to bear - renewed with a fire in an instant.
Tears of a wrenched heart baptize the blaze but never again shall the fire go out.
Incense dances up, filling the air with the lingering reminder of the promises made that remain ahead.
Nearly transformed - barely an image of the life before - unrecognizable to the things in the past. Changed in such a way that the chains from the old can no longer cling.
Days ahead of pain and joy, laughter and hurt, dancing and love.
Every tear; Every shattered piece of heart; every cry of deep-welled emotion - they lay the cobblestones to road that ends in peace - to dreams made real.
©Kristen Garcia 6/2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
To You
It is in the smallest of moments that our real selves are revealed.
When the truest things of a heart become fodder for ridicule by those who claim to love you it eases the pain of walking away. Sometimes you don't look back - and that's OK.
To stand alone is greater than walking exposed in a masquerade. To walk alone better than trying to associate with those who are found in the off-guard moments to be untrue.
Cling to dreams, no matter how small - no matter how elaborate. Hope is not in vain, dreams are not energy wasted.
Know who loves you; know who truly doesn't. Remember that truth, when revealed, brings joy in the midst of pain - in the midst of sorrow - in the midst of loneliness - even if it doesn't erase.
Reach out to those who say they love you - but if invitations fail to be received keep on going. If they are true to you they know how to find you.
If they know you the way they say they do they will pursue the blessings they have from the time with you. Therein lies a test of faithfulness.
Allow yourself to be pursued. The one who sees the treasure you are will stop at nothing to attain it. Make them work for you, but do not frustrate them unless necessary.
Do not lose heart. Walk with your head held high. Kick the enemy's ass. Never lose the brightness in your eyes.
©Kristen Garcia 5/2011
When the truest things of a heart become fodder for ridicule by those who claim to love you it eases the pain of walking away. Sometimes you don't look back - and that's OK.
To stand alone is greater than walking exposed in a masquerade. To walk alone better than trying to associate with those who are found in the off-guard moments to be untrue.
Cling to dreams, no matter how small - no matter how elaborate. Hope is not in vain, dreams are not energy wasted.
Know who loves you; know who truly doesn't. Remember that truth, when revealed, brings joy in the midst of pain - in the midst of sorrow - in the midst of loneliness - even if it doesn't erase.
Reach out to those who say they love you - but if invitations fail to be received keep on going. If they are true to you they know how to find you.
If they know you the way they say they do they will pursue the blessings they have from the time with you. Therein lies a test of faithfulness.
Allow yourself to be pursued. The one who sees the treasure you are will stop at nothing to attain it. Make them work for you, but do not frustrate them unless necessary.
Do not lose heart. Walk with your head held high. Kick the enemy's ass. Never lose the brightness in your eyes.
©Kristen Garcia 5/2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Untitled 1
There comes a time in every story where the hero begins winning the battles;
A point in a treasure hunt when a jewel is revealed;
A place where long-held dreams move out of the heart and into reality;
A day where the beauty of a sunset outweighs the clarity of a New Moon sky.
©Kristen Garcia 5/2011
A point in a treasure hunt when a jewel is revealed;
A place where long-held dreams move out of the heart and into reality;
A day where the beauty of a sunset outweighs the clarity of a New Moon sky.
©Kristen Garcia 5/2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Back to Good
Laying in bed, head pounding
Too sick to stand, too tired to sleep.
But alas the running of little feet,
The happy hollers from three rooms away,
That change on a dime to disgruntled screams
Are only a sign that at least a couple of us in the house
Are back to good after a long week's mess.
Selah
La. Sra.
©Kristen Garcia 2/2011
Too sick to stand, too tired to sleep.
But alas the running of little feet,
The happy hollers from three rooms away,
That change on a dime to disgruntled screams
Are only a sign that at least a couple of us in the house
Are back to good after a long week's mess.
Selah
La. Sra.
©Kristen Garcia 2/2011
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Jesus looks kinda like Mario Batali
This is as best as I can remember a dream I had about 6 weeks ago. The more I meditated on it the more it was revealed that it was more in relation to my marriage with Jesus than anything dealing with a human man. I've been reminded of this dream by the Holy Spirit often since I had it and it has brought comfort in lonely times.
It wasn't until the end of the dream that I saw the actual 'man' I was with - and I cannot remember if he had the ponytail or not, but everything about him screamed 'Mario Batali' - thus the origin of the title of this piece.
__________________________________
Italy one night, Paris the next. The French Riviera the next week, back to New York City after that.
Trips of a lifetime, but they are the norm. Parties that includes names the whole world knows, but he is never too far from me.
There is a tender protection everywhere we go and a pride in his voice as he introduces me to everyone. They are there for him, but he cannot help but defer to me.
Even after a long night he still finds the time to make me my favorite dessert and make sure I ate. The finest and my favorites all in one.
A private jet, the finest homes, the best hotels - such grandeur and splendor I never thought I'd see. And I stand in awe that for some reason this man picked me. There are those who are smarter, more beautiful, but yet he chooses me.
And then a new surprise, a beautiful boat. It's older, but he's proud of it. A new retreat and he says he got it for me.
Along with some friends I begin walking through the newest gift, taking in every inch and turn.
I mention to the friend that I am in total awe of my life and the love he has for me. I say, almost in a lamenting way, that he sometimes is just so incredibly silly.
She stops and looks at me incredulously.
'You know why, right?' she says. 'Even with all the things he has and does the greatest thing of beauty he wants is to see you smile. He gets silly because he knows that will get you to smile. It's his greatest treasure.'
We keep walking around the boat. The wallpaper is ugly.
Two-tone brown in tiny vertical stripes - it reminds me of a tasteful and sophisticated wrapping paper my parents had used one Christmas - fantastic on a gift but sucks as a wall covering.
'You hate it,' he says - I guess I can't hide my distaste for it. 'I knew you would, but I left it so you could pick out the replacement,' he says with a wry smile and a soft nuzzle.
As we leave he begins, ahead of me, the walk down the long staircase.
He starts jumping down it - several steps at a time - reaching the landing with a 'thud'. He turns and looks up at me with a huge smile.
I chuckle and give him an equally large smile - his greatest treasure.
And in the smallest and lighthearted of moments I love him more than ever before.
It wasn't until the end of the dream that I saw the actual 'man' I was with - and I cannot remember if he had the ponytail or not, but everything about him screamed 'Mario Batali' - thus the origin of the title of this piece.
__________________________________
Italy one night, Paris the next. The French Riviera the next week, back to New York City after that.
Trips of a lifetime, but they are the norm. Parties that includes names the whole world knows, but he is never too far from me.
There is a tender protection everywhere we go and a pride in his voice as he introduces me to everyone. They are there for him, but he cannot help but defer to me.
Even after a long night he still finds the time to make me my favorite dessert and make sure I ate. The finest and my favorites all in one.
A private jet, the finest homes, the best hotels - such grandeur and splendor I never thought I'd see. And I stand in awe that for some reason this man picked me. There are those who are smarter, more beautiful, but yet he chooses me.
And then a new surprise, a beautiful boat. It's older, but he's proud of it. A new retreat and he says he got it for me.
Along with some friends I begin walking through the newest gift, taking in every inch and turn.
I mention to the friend that I am in total awe of my life and the love he has for me. I say, almost in a lamenting way, that he sometimes is just so incredibly silly.
She stops and looks at me incredulously.
'You know why, right?' she says. 'Even with all the things he has and does the greatest thing of beauty he wants is to see you smile. He gets silly because he knows that will get you to smile. It's his greatest treasure.'
We keep walking around the boat. The wallpaper is ugly.
Two-tone brown in tiny vertical stripes - it reminds me of a tasteful and sophisticated wrapping paper my parents had used one Christmas - fantastic on a gift but sucks as a wall covering.
'You hate it,' he says - I guess I can't hide my distaste for it. 'I knew you would, but I left it so you could pick out the replacement,' he says with a wry smile and a soft nuzzle.
As we leave he begins, ahead of me, the walk down the long staircase.
He starts jumping down it - several steps at a time - reaching the landing with a 'thud'. He turns and looks up at me with a huge smile.
I chuckle and give him an equally large smile - his greatest treasure.
And in the smallest and lighthearted of moments I love him more than ever before.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Embargo
So many words race through my spirit - I try to catch each one.
The message so simple, yet so impossible to teach, but the foundation for all that is to be won.
Words given, tossed away; questions answered, but willfulness remains.
My tongue be bound, the time has not arrived; but agonize when I watch the struggle each day and know I have the key.
So deep the depth of the knowledge unlocked, but who will be courageous enough to traverse this abyss?
A treasure so great it has no value, yet each man a repository of that wealth that shames the coffers of Solomon.
Another day, another heart cry. Another heartbreak for I just want to light the way.
©Kristen Garcia 10/10
The message so simple, yet so impossible to teach, but the foundation for all that is to be won.
Words given, tossed away; questions answered, but willfulness remains.
My tongue be bound, the time has not arrived; but agonize when I watch the struggle each day and know I have the key.
So deep the depth of the knowledge unlocked, but who will be courageous enough to traverse this abyss?
A treasure so great it has no value, yet each man a repository of that wealth that shames the coffers of Solomon.
Another day, another heart cry. Another heartbreak for I just want to light the way.
©Kristen Garcia 10/10
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Dare you say, I do?
8-17-2010
Why is asking for genuine love like asking for the world? Is it so hard?
I want a love that is in the same vein as the love I give.
Is taking the time to truly know me - to know what makes me tick - to learn what small things bring me the greatest joy - and security - and act on what you learn so hard?
If it isn't, then why do you shove me into your pre-made mold of what I should be and enjoy? If not, then why do you throw my concerns back in my face when I try and broach the topic of what could be done to make me feel more loved and secure in us? Is your pride and ego really worth more than my trust?
Is it too hard to listen to my words and discern my heart and act on it?
If it isn't, then why do you shut down the minute I open my mouth to let you in on the most intimate thoughts and wishes of my heart and soul?
Don't say you don't. In your lack of words your clinched jaw, your breathing pattern, the tangible brick wall of your heart gives you away. That pain I can only handle so long before I back away. Don't think I don't know you that well.
Is it too hard for you to believe that I truly love you and no one else? You fear someone else will steal my gaze, when the truth is I choose on one but you.
Yet, you wonder why I shut down. Why I am silent when you ask my heart. Not only is the rejection tangible, but its hard to open up to someone who's spirit screams of wanting to flee and who's spirit exudes the sense of obligation rather than true love and desire.
Even when I do open up - why do you use my words against me later? Why can you not believe the validity of my words? Why do you laugh at some of the things I say? Are they so absurd to you that you cannot believe they come from the deepest parts of my being?
Why also do you run away when I try to pull the greatness that is in you to the surface? If you saw yourself the way I do, you would leap at the chance to come higher.
Yes, the demand and pull is great, but would I pull on you like that if I wasn't prepared and ready to nurture and do everything possible to see you succeed? Yet you run away.
I want to love you like no other before you. You are the one given to me - and yet - even if that was not already done I would still choose you to love. Why is that so hard to believe?
I want to lavish you with beautiful things and make the greatest memories with you, yet you reject what I give you because you cannot see that you are worth the expense - or worse - you suspect the motive. Have I ever given you a reason to worry? I will never change my mind regarding you.
I want so earnestly for you to truly love me.
For you to put away every preconceived notion you have of how you should love me and hear my heart through my words - see my soul in my deeds - and want to love me in a way where I can trust you the most intimate parts of my being.
It is in that place that we can be side by side, moving forward toward the beauty of the marriage that has been foretold since the foundations of the Earth.
I didn't die and rise to Glory for anything less than this.
Yes, I may be asking for the world - but it is because I have already bought the world with my Blood and placed it on your hand as a pledge of the marriage we will have once your willing to enter into it.
Do you dare say, 'I Do'?
©Kristen Garcia 8/10
Why is asking for genuine love like asking for the world? Is it so hard?
I want a love that is in the same vein as the love I give.
Is taking the time to truly know me - to know what makes me tick - to learn what small things bring me the greatest joy - and security - and act on what you learn so hard?
If it isn't, then why do you shove me into your pre-made mold of what I should be and enjoy? If not, then why do you throw my concerns back in my face when I try and broach the topic of what could be done to make me feel more loved and secure in us? Is your pride and ego really worth more than my trust?
Is it too hard to listen to my words and discern my heart and act on it?
If it isn't, then why do you shut down the minute I open my mouth to let you in on the most intimate thoughts and wishes of my heart and soul?
Don't say you don't. In your lack of words your clinched jaw, your breathing pattern, the tangible brick wall of your heart gives you away. That pain I can only handle so long before I back away. Don't think I don't know you that well.
Is it too hard for you to believe that I truly love you and no one else? You fear someone else will steal my gaze, when the truth is I choose on one but you.
Yet, you wonder why I shut down. Why I am silent when you ask my heart. Not only is the rejection tangible, but its hard to open up to someone who's spirit screams of wanting to flee and who's spirit exudes the sense of obligation rather than true love and desire.
Even when I do open up - why do you use my words against me later? Why can you not believe the validity of my words? Why do you laugh at some of the things I say? Are they so absurd to you that you cannot believe they come from the deepest parts of my being?
Why also do you run away when I try to pull the greatness that is in you to the surface? If you saw yourself the way I do, you would leap at the chance to come higher.
Yes, the demand and pull is great, but would I pull on you like that if I wasn't prepared and ready to nurture and do everything possible to see you succeed? Yet you run away.
I want to love you like no other before you. You are the one given to me - and yet - even if that was not already done I would still choose you to love. Why is that so hard to believe?
I want to lavish you with beautiful things and make the greatest memories with you, yet you reject what I give you because you cannot see that you are worth the expense - or worse - you suspect the motive. Have I ever given you a reason to worry? I will never change my mind regarding you.
I want so earnestly for you to truly love me.
For you to put away every preconceived notion you have of how you should love me and hear my heart through my words - see my soul in my deeds - and want to love me in a way where I can trust you the most intimate parts of my being.
It is in that place that we can be side by side, moving forward toward the beauty of the marriage that has been foretold since the foundations of the Earth.
I didn't die and rise to Glory for anything less than this.
Yes, I may be asking for the world - but it is because I have already bought the world with my Blood and placed it on your hand as a pledge of the marriage we will have once your willing to enter into it.
Do you dare say, 'I Do'?
©Kristen Garcia 8/10
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