Trust - Part 2

(Part 2)

Should not our goal in life to be trusted by those we care for? Should we not look to be the safe place to incubate their dreams?

........

Yesterday, in the midst of a pretty continually busy day at work, my mind wandered back to my Endless Night in Chicago after seeing Hamilton just shy of a year ago.

I remember sitting at the hotel bar, waiting for one of my dearly beloveds to make it downtown (he got caught up in things and wasn't able to make it) so we could catch up from not seeing physically each other in about 2 years.

While sitting there, a conversation was struck up with Doug, a nice married man on a business trip, who used to gallivant around downtown during his college days. He was older than me by a tick, at least that's what it looked like.

Conversations turned to our families, work-life balance (WTF is that?!), and the need for continual evaluation of dreams, goals, and current placement in life.

Somehow, in the course of the couple hours of chatting (before we went on a what, 5 hour wild ride around downtown shutting down places) we got on the topic of retirement/next step dreams, and I opened up a bit on the different key ones I have had for many years.

Dreams that perhaps only one other person, who is not in my life the same way anymore, ever knew details of. But I found that I could trust a stranger at a bar I had just met over those who had been around me for years.

And between moving more projects in places between California and Pennsylvania into production I chewed on that memory and it's ramifications....... what would it take for someone close to me to earn my trust enough I would open up that much?

And I'm honestly not sure. Perhaps someone you'll never see again, someone who has the most unbiased knowledge of you, someone who you never know may have the financial backing - or connections that do - to make those dreams real is a more secure place to open up for a moment than friends who have known us for years.

What would it take? Still today, I don't have an answer from my side of that equation.

But in the process of realizing that..... it's always healthy to turn the mirror on ourselves and ask - what am I doing to be THAT safe place for someone else?

From the soil we cultivate our lives from, what kind of roots run up from that soil? What kind of strength do the structures that are built up from that ground - whether it be vegetation or edifices, take your pick for what illustration works best for you - truly have to sustain those who you want to find shelter there?

Trust is so vital - and so fragile. And the level that is required to be allowed to be given that kind of access into one's life should not be taken lightly, as it is a rare treasure.

But, should we not all strive to be that sanctuary for the deepest dreams of those we care for and love, even though they may never choose to engage in the courage it takes to open up that much to us?

We are responsible for creating and sustaining the soil and structures to provide that shelter for their dreams. It's on them to open up.

But how can those around us trust us if we are not our own greatest cheerleaders? If we are not speaking life into our own spirits, souls, minds, hearts - we can surely never speak it truly into those around us.

If we doubt in such a way it precludes us from moving forward; if we have paralyzing fear in the simplest of engagements and pressures, how can we ever stand next to someone else and keep telling them they will be OK no matter what happens - that just trying to do what they are doing is the great act of courage and something positive will always come from it.

If we self-prophecy failure before we even try, in the early stages of an endeavor - and not to figure out how to mitigate the issues before they arise (whole different how could/would this fail kind of mentality, don't get it twisted) - and not only that, but we vocalize it and release it on the Earth to be manifested - how can we ever be successful in our own life, showing us to be an asset to those around us?

I was on the phone one day with the head of our sector of architecture for a firm we have a long history with - a firm that I worked very hard for the last handful of years to restore a very solid working relationship with after several tried to burn the bridge with them - and what I said kind of shocked him.

I explained how I looked at projects - and that in one way it was my name and character on the line every time we were awarded a project. And I wasn't going to let that be damaged.

But not only that, every project I touch and execute is a direct reflection on the directors above me - the ones that spent 85% of their days on the road for years working to build our company from all of 4 people nearly 25 years ago to many times that size. If I fuck something up big time, not only is my name and character damaged, but so are theirs, and 20+ years of trust and sleepless nights away from their families.

However, I also realize, that we are entrusted in the same way every time this architect director gives us projects. His - as well as his entire team's - reputation is on the line. The months or years they have spent working with their end user clients to develop the trust and confidence in them to see the job done right - all of that is also at stake.

And it's not a responsibility I take lightly - but it is one I understand to more than just my personal level that is at stake every time I get that call that we have another project headed our way.

He was without many words when I said that - other than to ask how I could be cloned a few times and those clones sent to his office :)

But that's the kind of trust I have learned that I need to operate at with those around me. And I have to maintain myself in order to maintain that with them.

Not only that...... it HAS to be mixed with sincerity. This director knew I was as sincere and honest about making sure things went right for the fragile balance of trust is at stake every time as I could have been.

The responsibility of getting myself to a point where I can be trusted with great things is something I have consciously worked hard for - because I would want to be the person I would trust with my greatest things.

But even I still struggle with trusting others. As much as I've worked on myself to be that person, I still have my doubts in others.

Until then - The strength of the words I speak to myself; the resilience of my spirit I stand in when the world is crumbling apart around me; the accepting of great words of love and encouragement I unexpectedly receive; the full stops of life I have to take to evaluate and rebuild in a healed way pains from deep wounds of the past; the sincerity passed on to those around me of how deeply I do care for them ------

All of that is sown and tilled into the soil of my being, so the structures of trust and love and sanctuary made available to those around me can be as strong and unbreakable as possible.

Because at the end of the day, I may not yet trust anyone normally around me enough to share my dreams with, but by God I will be the one person they know beyond the shadow of a doubt that will provide a foundation of trust and loyalty and tough love to endure whatever process they need to go through and encouraging words and a never ending optimism to see their deepest dreams become reality. 

May we all desire to be that trusted. May we all work on ourselves enough that we get there.

©Kristen Garcia 01-2020